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Jason Dzubow on Political Asylum

Top 10 Reasons the EOIR Computer System is Down

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If you are an attorney or an immigrant with a case before the Immigration Court, you've probably noticed that the computer system has been down for almost two weeks. The phone system for checking case status is not working, and there are all sorts of problems at the courts and the BIA. Apparently, the cause of these difficulties is that some servers in Fairfax, Virginia are broken and cannot easily be repaired. No one seems to know why this happened, and EOIR (the Executive Office for Immigration Review) is not telling us much. The EOIR website says only that they are experiencing a "hardware failure."



EOIR computer techs are working day and night to solve the problem.


As a public service, I have decided to step in and fill this information gap with unfounded speculation. I figure that if I take the time to write something down, people might as well believe it. So to all those waiting for the system to start up again, take comfort. I present to you the top 10 reasons that the EOIR computers are not working:


10. Juan Osuna forgot to pay the electric bill.


9. The Y2K bug finally kicked in.


8. The computer shut itself down after it played 35 million games of tic-tac-toe and learned that it is impossible to "win" a removal case.


7. It is getting more and more difficult to find new vacuum tubes and punch cards.


6. Once the computer calculated that the average time to the next hearing exceeds the life expectancy of the average respondent, it decided there was no point and turned itself off.


5. Everyone who signed up for Obamacare has accidentally been deported.


4. Someone asked the computer to figure out how the Asylum Clock works, and it blew up.


3. Joe Arpaio arrested the computer for helping "illegals" remain in the U.S.


2. If you build a 500 gigabyte computer, someone will file a 501 gigabyte case.


1. Everyone who knows how to fix a computer has already been deported.


There you have it. Some of these explanations may even prove to bear a relationship to reality. If so, remember that you heard it here first.

Originally posted on the Asylumist: www.Asylumist.com.

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Comments

  1. ImmigrationLawBlogs's Avatar
    How about Reason #11:

    There were not enough H-1B visas available for the qualified foreign IT professionals who might have been able to fix the problem in short order, or prevent it from happening in the first place.

    Roger Algase
    Attorney at Law
  2. Intecon's Avatar
    Wonderful . . . better than David Letterman's "Top Ten" list.


    It is truly a wonder that the IRS and the US Patent & Trademark office have such efficient web bases interfaces. I wonder why the DHS cannot do the same.


    But on that subject . . . . have any of you out there had the problems I have had logging on to ILW's site just to post this comment? Maybe they should become employed by DHS.
  3. Intecon's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by ImmigrationLawBlogs
    How about Reason #11:

    There were not enough H-1B visas available for the qualified foreign IT professionals who might have been able to fix the problem in short order, or prevent it from happening in the first place.

    Roger Algase
    Attorney at Law
    Come on Roger, do you really think the government hires firms that employ H-1B IT specialists? . . . . American made all the way! . . . . . But maybe that's why the system broke down. Where are the Indians and the Chinese?
  4. ImmigrationLawBlogs's Avatar
    That was exactly my point. If the government were willing to use firms that hire foreign IT workers, we wouldn't have these breakdowns. But then the government would have to make enough visas available, instead of regarding skilled foreign workers as a mortal danger to America.

    And here's Reason #12:

    The foreign IT workers were able to get their H-1B petitions filed through the lottery, but the petitions were denied because, since there are several different college majors related to computer science, USCIS ruled that their jobs didn't require a bachelor degree in "a particular specialty" and therefore didn't meet the requirements for an H-1B occupation.

    Roger Algase
    Atorney at Law
    Updated 04-23-2014 at 08:49 PM by ImmigrationLawBlogs
  5. JDzubow's Avatar
    Hi Roger - I would make those reasons numbers 2 and 3. Why would we ever want to make it easy for the best and the brightest to come here? On the other hand, if they are so best and so bright, they should be able to figure it out for themselves...
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